Question of the Day

When having an extramarital affair, why not be super conscientious about using some form of birth control? Does that reckless behavior go hand-in-hand with having said affair? Discuss.

Even If You Hate Dane Cook...

This video is day-making because Dane says what everyone is thinking: Vanessa Hudgens had her SECOND (yes, there has already been one) "leaked" naked photo. Seriously, stop it.

Delicate Flower?

The New York Times has kindly put out a public warning to Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor that her new job is going to be real hard, y'all. Thanks for looking out for the ladies!

Stolen Thunder

Hillary is p-i-s-e-d!

They have rent-a-shoes! And rent-a-foot disease!

I'm quite surprised how saddened I am over the death of John Hughes. I didn't know much about the writer-director, but his work filled my childhood. In his heyday, I was too young to relate to the 80's high school scene, some of his other movies are my all-time favorites: Uncle Buck, Home Alone, Planes, Trains & Automobiles (just to name a few). My co-worker sent me this amazing tribute that sums up Hughes as a person and the relationship he had with his audience: it shines a bright light on why he was so damn good at his job. *This post title was lifted from Uncle Buck. Still quotable, after all these years.

Racial Tension Headache

Did people expect Obama to wear baggier or saggier (are those even real words?) jeans because he's black? The Today Show got to the bottom of it with some hard-hitting journalism!

In Defense of Jimmy Fallon

Criticism comes far too easily to the newest Late Night host. I know, he was the giggly one during his Saturday Night Live tenure, but I'm making my case for Jimmy and his Late Show starting now:

• Jimmy is young- a mere 34 years old! Reflecting this advantage, recurring segments include playing beer pong with celebrity guests (even Betty White partook), his unrelenting quest for a Saved by the Bell cast reunion (see Mark-Paul Gosselaar's recent appearance) and his "Intense" segments (Will Ferrell's was comedy gold, as expected). Jimmy's comedic point of view is far more youthful than anything in late night (Conan still rocks, but I'm guessing he will be forced to chuck some of his previous Late Show schtick to uphold the Tonight Show mainstream standard).
• Two words: The Roots. You might think this was sell-outy of the band, but by Jimmy losing the generic, Bar-Mitzvah party vibe other late night bands bring (no matter how great they were pre-network gigs), it ups Jimmy's cool factor and also pulls in some sweet musical guests (as outlined in this article, which inspired the post you're reading).
• Jimmy has love for the game. He grew up a die-hard SNL fan (it's a wiki link, but it's true!) and worked his way from fan to cast member to co-anchor of Weekend Update. For anyone who has idolized a performer, in any artistic capacity, you have to give him credit (in other words, I'm insanely jealous).

Stop the Jimmy hate, it's so 2000 and late.

Question of the Day

Will Elton John produce a 3rd version of Candle in the Wind for M.J.?

Lowered Expectations

Ash Simps really knew what she was talking about with her song Shadow: Michael Jordan's son, Jeffrey, quit the Illinois basketball team. Seriously, that must have been an insane amount of pressure and expectation.

My Top 5

Unlike Ross Geller's, this list is not laminated, so it is subject to revision. In no particular order:

1) Clooney (even though he's better than a list)

2) Josh Jackson

3) Matthew Fox

4) Naveen Andrews

5) Andy Samberg

Oldies but goodies (i.e., possible alternates): Omar Epps, Malcolm Jamal Warner. One or both may be bumped up once Lost ends.

I Want to Go to There

Disney World is adding a Lost attraction to its park. My life is complete. Road trip!

Worried Baby Part 2

Alexander's brother, Sascha, inherited the worry wort gene.

Just In Case He Forgets

While the Willow Palin/David Letterman joke/feud/apology is all the rage this week, I would like to take a moment to point out something lighter yet worth noting: Levi Johnston has his own last name tattooed on his left arm.

Game Changer?

Monday's Jon & Kate Plus 8 might be too sad for my little heart.

Celebrity Relatives

Kathy Griffin is the sister I never had. Check out her recent appearance on Larry King Live: she rips into Sarah and Todd Palin, Jon Gosselin, George Bush and pretty much anyone else she can think of. I approve!

Early Hanukkah Gift?

Meet Rebecca Rubin, the newest member of the American Girl family. Her description reads,

"She is a 9-year-old girl living on the Lower East Side in 1914 with her Russian-Jewish immigrant parents, siblings and a grandmother known only as Bubbie."

They failed to mention that her outfit is totally 1900's Jewish Casual. Does it get any better?

Love and Basketball

In case you are wondering, I love Shaquille O'Neal. Here are my reasons:

• Shaq loves a good dance-off (above) and will even perform in earnest (see his routine with the Jabbawockeez).
• Shaq will call you out if you make him mad (see retaliation rap against Kobe Bryant).
• Shaq loves the kids (Oprah intro'd him to a 12- year-old boy who is already taller than the b-ball star! Plus, he had that under-watched reality show helping kids lose the l-b's.).
• Shaq will kindly take time out of his day to shake hands with 5'4" red heads (true story, if I had a pic, it would be posted).

My Arch Nem

3. Shorts: My body is too pear-shaped to wear shorts.

Thin Is In

(This image review came my way via a Huffington Post slide show of "The World's Most Famous Swimsuits.")

Yes, this picture of Demi Moore's in Charlie's Angles: Full Throttle is a few years old (6 to be exact), but this time around I noticed how incredibly skinny she was (and still is) and I don't mean that as a compliment. After seeing Marilyn's iconic one-piece (I know, it's a trite comparison), even Kathy Ireland's 90's look (creepy eyebrows!), I was somewhat stunned, and yet not, by the evolution of a modern woman's desired weight: Demi's starvation-chic bod apparently sets the current standard.

Jewish Casual

Attention readers, there is a dress code category you have been missing out on your entire lives: Jewish Casual. Coined by my mother (really, do other parents use this term?), Jewish Casual is equal to dressy casual, but may some more limitations unlike the latter. Though not a spoken rule, Jewish Casual implies no jeans, and nothing too skin-bearing. It can be worn to social events, but not Saturday morning Shabbat services. Realizing this may be an exclusive family term only my bother and I were raised with, my cousin did some interweb research and found an alternate and equally appropriate definition:

"“Jew Casj” (Jewish Casual). That is when a cool out-exterior is masterfully negotiating a jumble of inner-neurosis."

While I was raised to think of Jewish Casual as a dress code, I feel my world has expanded by considering it a state of being. Today, neither my outfit or attitude would be described as Jewish Casual, but I have a feeling I will be both for an upcoming family event. L'Chayim!

Celebrity Relatives

Perhaps the ultimate in kooky celebrity relatives that I would be honored to have in my family: Cloris Leachman! She took a page from the young starlets and started her own fashion line, and it's pretty fierce. Plus, Cloris called out Russell Crowe for being an a-hole and has a raunchy sense of humor- amazing combo!

Get Lost!

Kate Austen proved her uselessness last Wednesday with her faux reach for a dangling Juliette. Nice work, Freckles! Go back to using sex as a weapon, it's way more your stylo.

Theodore Huxtable

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Is now 39. Is he still teaching? Does he like red heads?

Let's Get Dirrty, Let's Get Dirrty

For those who loved Christina Aguilera's dirrty days, here's a blast from the past: Xtina's MTV diary! Take a trip to 2002 and enjoy a behind-the-scenes photo shoot for the Stripped album, a performance with the Pussycat Dolls (before they were PCD) and bits of Christina starting to talk about her pet issues (sexuality, domestic abuse, etc.). The ep. is broken into 6 parts, but definitely worth watching.

Top That!

Beyond all my other hang-ups, one of the scariest parts of having children is one's own physical change. My fears have been solidified with this new blog: The Belly Project. It's endless pictures of pregnant, post-pregnancy, and never-been-pregnant bellies. I know this should incite some female solidarity, but it just supports my narcissism (I'm forever 21, right?). Thanks, interweb!

Feliz Navidad

This post has 2 discussion purposes: Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat and recognizing the correct pronunciation of the local neighborhood Los Feliz. 1) Aretha Franklin took a fashion risk with her hat choice at Obama's inauguration and retailers have noticed. It may be a little early, but making money off of Christmas proves to be a year round activity with the Aretha Franklin hat ornament, a lovely addition to any tree! Saw'll one up if you're into that whole Christmas in July thing. 2) One of LA's hipster neighborhoods, Los Feliz, often gets its own name butchered by Los Angelenos, but I am here to correct it (five years of high school Spanish are paying off!):

• Incorrect Pronunciation: Los Feel-Iz
• Correct Pronunciation: Los Fell-Eez (like Feliz Navidad, get it?!)

We'll Do It Live!

I Hate White People

My first embedded video, welcome to the future! More importantly, while I'm not a Wanda Sykes fan, I didn't mind her 'controversial' comments about Rush Limbaugh at the White House correspondence dinner. Anyone who attacked Sykes was secretly laughing and afraid to get caught so they jumped the gun. Plus, I loved that she told Michelle Obama that putting her arm around the Queen of England was the visual equivalent to patting the Queen on her back for sliding in to home plate.

Celebrity Relatives

I've recently decided there are some celebs I love so much I wish they were family. This is the start of my list, each celeb's relation to me is tentative as this is a work in progress (obvi): 1) Joy Behar- boisterous aunt 2) Joan Rivers- surrogate grandmother

Family Reunions Must Be Awkward...

When even your own brother is spilling the beans! Kate Gosselin's brother Kevin and sister-in-law Jodi, former guest stars on Jon & Kate Plus 8, spilled the beans to Radar Online that the Gosselin marriage is kaput. I've read there is some bad blood between the couples, but airing out your sister's dirty laundry? Not so classy. Guess that's a family gene. *This magazine cover is the latest and greatest from the Gosselin drama.

Flawless!

Michelle Obama looking fierce at the White House poetry jam.

My Arch Nem

The beginning of what will likely grow into a long list...

1. Cheddar cheese
2. Cosmopolitan Magazine

Can I Get a Witness?

CNN is currently running a touching story on dogs who comfort young abuse victims as they testify in court. While interesting, the unintentionally hilarious highlight is at 1:26- Dory, the featured golden lab, is sitting alone on the witness stand. Kudos to Kristen Cusato for including this shot in her report.

Say It Aint So!

It's not the first, but I refuse to believe any rumor that Jon Gosselin is cheating on Kate! I've devoted many a Monday night to their show and am completely invested in the family. Yes, they've totally whored our their kids for TV's sake, but I want to believe Jon and Kate will stay together and continue to bicker for seasons to come. On the other hand, raising 8 kids by oneself would also make for great TV: a notch below Octo-Mom status but would retain the train wreck watchability. The worst part is Jon putting out a statement (acknowledging the gossip is always a bad sign):

"Like most people, I have male and female friends and I'm not going to end my friendships just because I'm on TV," Jon tells E! [News] in a statement. "However, being out with them late at night showed poor judgment on my part. What makes me sick is that my careless behavior has put my family in this uncomfortable position. My family is the most important thing in my life and it kills me that these allegations have hurt them."

Take a Picture, It Lasts Longer

I'm currently obsessed with any and all pictures from Obama's first 100 days in office. The pic featured here is my #1 fave. Note the worried lil' kid thing seated next to the Prez. Other highlights so far:

Malia taking a pic of Obama in a tux before he heads out for one of many inaugural balls (pic #1)

Obama on his Blackberry: was he reading my blog? (pic #5)

Obama checking out John Kennedy, Jr.'s most famous hiding spot.

These Boots Were Made for Walking

Favorite fashion find of late: Foot Petals, small cushions you put in your fiercest (but not always most comfortable) shoes and avoid pain and blisters! I'm currently rocking some 'Tip Toes' (thanks, Mom!) in a pair of new sandals: placed under the ball of my foot, they make the 3.5" heel quite comfy for my entire work day. Now I can perfect my signature runway walk sans foot pain.

Update: Yes, these shoe inserts look like nipple covers or some kind of toned down nipple tassel, but alas, they are just for feet. If you do use them for upper body coverage, please report back on effectiveness.

Some Pig!

Seriously, how do I avoid the swine flu? How does one even contract said flu? Guess I will ignore ham, per usual.

Have You Seen My Childhood?

Today I went on a field trip to see the Collection of Michael Jackson: a vast assortment of items taken from the now vacant Neverland Ranch that come from different points in Jackson's career.

The exhibit starts before you even walk indoors: the Neverland gates greet you and lead into a garden area full of statues. Statues of what? Children, of course! Children spinning in circles, one playing with a dog, another doing a hand stand, groups sitting in fountains... the man had a cool 50 statues on his property which must have been super creepy at night. Jackson's other items were indoors and the displays seemed endless: costumes, arcade games, regal furniture, commemorative plaques, stemware, Madame Tussauds wax figures (which will haunt me in my sleep), Peter Pan everything, an indoor swinging bench... it was all there and felt as though the exhibit over shared (perhaps I never recovered from the surplus of child statues).

My highlight: a painting by Macaulay Culkin, natch.

Biggest letdown: his famous glove, laying on a velvet pillow, was merely decorated with sequins, one step down from a Bedazzler and fell far short of all the late 90's 'bling' we're used to seeing on our pop stars.

Lesson of the day: Michael Jackson has way too much money to burn (any psychological analysis deserves its own post for which I have no mental energy after processing that train wreck of persaonl effects).

No Offense, But...

Miss USA runner-up, Carrie Prejean, thinks this qualifier makes it ok to discriminate.

"I think it's great Americans are able to choose one or the other," she said. "We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what in my country, in my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be, between a man and a woman."

PS- Who says 'opposite marriage?' And yes, I realize Obama has echoed Prejean's views while campaigning which begs the question, will a presidential candidate ever be able to fully support gay marriage and win?

Worried Baby Stikes Back!

Someone get this kid a Xanax.

Worried Baby: Sad Times Edition

Bronx Mowgli Wentz

Pass the Tissues, We've All Got Issues

Will Lost's baby Aaron have the most dad issues of all the characters? More than Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Locke, Ben, Penny, Miles, Sun...?

Suggested listening for this post: Cat's in the Cradle, by Harry Chapin.

It's a Doggy Dog World

I want to hug Bo Obama.

Eight Is Enough

I haven't previously posted about the Octo-Mom because there wasn't anything to say that hadn't already been said. But now the last of the octuplets, Jonah, has left the hospital and joined his 13 other siblings at home: it is amazing that all 8 survived gestation, birth and are seemingly healthy. I am not defending crazy Nadya Suleman, since she quickly readied her brood for their paparazzi close-up, of course, but shouldn't some on the homecoming attention be given to the science of thriving octuplets, not just swarming photogs?

You Don't Look Jewish, You Don't Act Jewish

Spoken word poetry isn't really my thang, but this piece* by Vanessa Hidary is perfectly concise and a bit funny as well. Hidary is a little kooky, but one really can't disagree with her message to fight prejudice. Plus, it's still Passover, so blogging about the 'Hebrew Mamita' seems apprope. *Special thanks to the black sheep.

My Personal Egypt

Missing Lost for Passover seder.

Top That!

Even though he sucks, I really liked the sweater Chris Brown wore yesterday when he plead not guilty to assault charges.

*This pic only features the aforementioned clothing item in an effort to save, er, face for writing about this loser.

I Want

I want this tiny camel to be my pet because it looks soft, smiley and possibly a little stuck up.

Isn't It Ironic?

Shout out to Brit Spears for losing the crazies and getting back to her career, but isn't it ironic that her parents rehabbed her so she could wear nipple tassels on her new tour?

Sad But True

While I am still a huge fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8, season 4 felt different (the finale aired last Monday), and I couldn't put my finger on it until now. Somehow I found my way to Peter Harlaub's article where he articulates the family's evolution that has made then unrelatable. Where I was first interested to see how Jon and Kate afforded groceries for 10 people, Christmas presents and new clothes, it is now clear how they've profited for the show, making any budgeting issues seem non-existent. Their struggle has gone from parenting 8 kids to handling fame, not exactly the show's original premise. Never fear, I am still tuned in (I have to know if Alexis adds to her aldergator collection), but much of the show's unique charm has evaporated. Side note, I am currently reading Kate's Multiple Bles8ings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets to get the nitty gritty details on all things Gosselin. For me, it's a little God-heavy. Her story and faith could easily be conveyed without the almost compulsive religious references, but what else could I expect given the title? The good news: Mady seems way less annoying in print.

Image of the Day

Brought to you by Marisa and Gothamist's Early Addition.

Why Does Anyone Care?!

Adding to the list... 3) Madonna adopting another baby.

Fierce, Tranny, Fierce!

Beyonce, pop's greatest robot, is on tour again and switched up her set list with a cover of Alanis Morissette's 90's hit "You Oughta Know." Beyonce adds her signature fierceness (Alanis never wore booty shorts) and proves that any truly great song can transcend its genre. But the real question, will Alanis ever cover "Sing Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"?

Funny Bone

While I clearly love my own blog, I have found one (shown one, rather) that far surpasses me in the funny department. Fuck You, Penguin chronicles animals and how they ruin one blogger's day. I cried laughing as each entry topped the previous. The blog is safe for work (except the title), but make sure you're in the right environment for LOLing.

Allison the Duster Resurfaces!

My favorite Intervention story ever finally has an update: Allison, who was addicted to inhaling canned aired used to clean electronics, is reflecting on her experience. Now 5 months and 3 weeks sober, Allison says she does not suffer any long term affects from her daily (er, minute-ly) habit, but still struggles with how easily accessible her drug of choice is (it stared her in the face at a recent job interview). While Allison's episode did provide some comic relief (see It's Like I'm Walking On Sunshine!), I am glad to see she's kicked the inhalants and is doing well.

Image of the Day

Worried Baby: Lil Kid Things Edition

(Yes, that is David Letterman and his son, Harry.)

Solid Like Barack!

President Obama is currently taping at The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and I walked over to see the motorcade. With perfect sidewalk positioning, he drove right by me and was waving at the crowd while talking on his cellphone (or pretending to, an old Paris Hilton trick). The amount of security that followed him was insane and I'm pretty sure a sniper was spotted on top of a near by building. Despite being sweaty from the walk, it was awesome!

Worried Baby Returns!

Top That!

Top Chef's Padma Lakshimi had outdone herself with this most random, almost inappropriate reflection on Natasha Richardson after her untimely death,

"She was great. She was lovely. She was just like one of the gang. She was very, very articulate. She was very, very opinionated. She was very compassionate. She had a very sophisticated palate."

Really?! A respected actress and beloved wife and mother has just passed away and you comment on her palate?

Diva Is A Female Version Of a Hustler

When she isn't trying so hard, Sarah Silverman is hilarious. Appearing on Real Time with Bill Maher, she had made this astute observation, "You're not a diva, you're a broken person who's making it impossible to feel sorry for you."

Stars: They're Just Like Us!

Perhaps the ultimate reason to love the Clooney: he mocks Andy Rooney.

Top That!

I'm too superficial for my own good: I took extra time to blow dry my hair this morning because I had an appointment at the DMV to take a new picture for my driver's license.

Anyone else as vain as I?

Wanna Buy Some Wood?

If only I had HBO, I would watch Will Ferrell's special You're Welcome, America. A Final Night With George W. Bush, airing tomorrow 3/14. This clip teases the hilarity I will be missing. While Bush has been out of office for about two months, making fun of him will never get old and Ferrell always does it best!

Why Does Anyone Care?!

This is the beginning of what will likely grow into a length list of topics that get too much publicity for no reason at all. Why people care about these issues is beyond me, so I'm starting with: 1) Michael Phelps and a bong. 2) Jen Aniston's love life Interest, outrage or uproar regarding any of these is beyond my understanding.

Update: Meghan McCain IS My New BFF

Meghan McCain has already called out Anne Coulter and has her own version of the Straight Talk Express with her column on the Daily Beast. Now talking to Rachel Maddow, Meghan expressed the need to bridge the divide between overly liberal Democrats and impossibly conservative Republicans, labels I believe are both false representations and media creations. Calling herself a moderate Republican, Meghan has friends on both sides of the political spectrum and wants to open a political dialogue that this country not only needs, but will hopefully embrace with voices of a younger generation speaking the truth, not the usual talking points we get from either political party.

Ha, Ha, Hee, Hee, Ha, Ha, Ho!

An actual lyric from Brit's new song, "If U Seek Amy." The video looks great: my compliments to the airbrusher.

Conspiracy Theory

Mandy Moore is preggo, that's why she married Ryan Adams on the down low.

Meghan McCain My New BFF?

I don't know how someone like Anne Coulter is famous: she talks to hear her own voice and has nothing legit to say. Turns out, Meghan McCain feels the same way. Maybe Meghan can take the place of that other blond Republican on The View since she will actually part from other conservatives and stand by her own opinions. Go Meghan!

Shining Starr

From prosecuting oral sex to fighting for inequality, Ken Starr really knows how to pick his battles! Today, during a Prop 8 hearing with the California Supreme Court, Starr's past came back to haunt him when one justice mocked his presentation,

"I guess it depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is."

While Bill Clinton made that line famous, I still love that the absurdity of that case was thrown in his face (that rhymed).

Back to the Future

According to the new Terminator: Salvation trailer, machines will outnumber humans in 2018. Um, do the writers realize that's only 9 years from now? In 9 years I doubt machines will be running our world because we currently have no money to build any. Maybe that technology funding is hidden in Obama's stimulus package?

Must Be a Slow News Day...

For some odd reason Rachel Ray's 2003 FHM spread is causing waves and the 30 Minute Meal maestro found herself defending the pics on Nightline. Really?! After SIX years someone decided to question her 'sexy' self-promotion move? On the real, real, real, real, real I am not a huge Rachel Ray fan, but there has got to be something more scandalous than this and worth the scandal label.

Justified

For all you haters, this interview on Jimmy Fallon's new show proves why you just can't help but love Justin Timberlake. Fast forward to 6:10 and catch JT's spot-on John Mayer impression. Maybe he and Mayer can team up and host SNL together?!Timby also proves himself an equally impressive Michael McDonald mimic. Unfortunately, I didn't DVR the whole show so I have no opinions on Jimmy Fallon's late night debut, but if he can score such comedy gems from his 2nd guest ever (the first being Rober DeNiro, who sits idly by looking unimpressed byJT ), then we're in for a fun ride!

Mathletes Unite!

Get ready to celebrate on 3/3/09- it's square root day and it happens only 9 times per century!

Lorne, Can You Hear Me?

Yet another shining example of John Mayer's comedic genius (is it too soon for genius?): questioning Britney Spears' song writing,

"...[A]ll of the songs are sort of like, ‘I’m getting all my girls together, we’re gonna go out’ and ‘I’ve got holes cut out for bleep, I got flashlights on me'. And then it’s like, ‘why’s everybody looking at me? ‘Everybody’s looking at me’ because oh, did you hear verse two, Britney?”

Dear Republicans

Barack Obama is not a gimmick.

You're Mad At Your Father! I Forgive You!

Conservative columnist George Will proves there's always room for homophobia with this brainless and heartless remark about men hugging one another. Will's legit point about Obama still wanting to reach across party lines was sadly but most deservedly lost.

Question of the Day

Was Nancy Pelosi wearing a Slanket during President Obama's address to Congress?

Soapboxing for NOW

I'm a newcomer to Fox's 24, and while loving the plot, I can't help but notice that the writers clearly hate women. Recent stories include

• a woman who unknowingly dates a terrorist and has "he-beats-me-because-he-loves-me" syndrome
• a woman who goes along with her married love interest's scheme to crash the FBI computer system (the agency they both work for) merely because he says, "I love you."
• a female agent who acts to be the emotional mess (and I mean MESS) in comparison to Jack Bauer's steely exterior after any and all action scenes.

Really 24?! This is the best you can do with your female characters? Now I'm only left with tech genius Chloe who is written as utterly sarcastic (hilarious) but nothing outside that one note. It's the old smart vs. pretty pickle. Don't get me wrong, I will continue to watch so I can decode Kiefer Sutherland's whisper-yells each week, but I don't have much hope for these lady characters (2 are already dead, go figure).

Hooked on Phonics

Please let this be true! Perez is saying that Kath Griff signed a deal to pen her autobiography. I'm hoping for some book on tape (er, CD/itunes) action so I can just listen and laugh and not bother with literacy. Random quote I associated with this story: "He can't see without his glasses!"

Reporting for Duty

Despite being on call as a United Nations Messenger of Peace in Africa, George Clooney still manages to crack some jokes, leaving his interviewer, NBC's Ann Curry, unable to keep her hands off him.

Mrs. Robotron

I know Beyonce has many redeeming qualities (club bangers like Single Ladies), but like I've said before, she's a robot! Check her out on last night's Academy Awards' red caret- who poses like that? We get it, you work out and your arms are toned, but you're not a Barbie doll, what's with the awkward stance? More importantly, don't wear a dress that clearly makes you uncomfortable or self-conscious, that's fashion rule #1, right?

Top Chef

Good news, world: I can cook! I proved myself last night with a Rachel Ray recipe that turned out quite deliciously. The dish is dubbed Moroccan Chili and 10,000 Grains of Sand. It's basically chili with couscous, but the spices add a non-traditional twist. My only tip: you don't have to use lamb. I cooked up some lean ground beef and it was a great sub, plus I had at least made hamburgers before so was a little more familiar with beef than lamb. So, if you're in need of a winter dish, this one is quick and yum-o! (Ew, the Rachel Ray inspiration went one step too far.)

Newsflash: Celibacy is a Crock

Finally, a former nun is admitting it.

The Fairer Sex?

There's nothing I hate more than Cosmopolitan magazine. If you need a trashtastic glossy telling you how to run your romantic relationships and sex life then you don't deserve to have either. Even worse is the Yahoo! Personals relationship column. Today Yahoo! Personals ran a piece called "Dating 101: Will He Ever Marry You?" Beyond the notion that you can't simply talk to your partner about marriage, you must read about the probability, the most disgusting detail of this story is the 'advice' section at the end, "The Art of the Ultimatum: Three times when it might pay to nudge him a bit." I find 'ultimatum' offensive to both men and women. Am I to think that only women want to get married? And if so, that we're so damn desperate to do so, women essentially have to trick a man into a life long commitment? On the other hand, based on this, it seems men never ever want to get married. Marriage must be a man's biggest fear and he is dumb enough to be tricked into a lifelong commitment. Plus if a man was in fact ready for marriage, he simply couldn't recognize this on his own and would need that ultimatum. Advice giver and psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD must have a fake degree (and no brain) because no thoughtful person would listen to this tripe. Most annoying: this Yahoo! Personals guidance was lifted from Cosmo, they're in cahoots. Why must a supposed women's magazine play into the worst gender stereotypes?

It Takes One To Know One

Parents of 18 Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar weighed in on the octomom during their recent Larry King Live appearance (Joy Behar was guest hosting for King). The grossest highlight from the interview? Joy asked Michelle if she ever turns down Jim's advances:

Behar: Do you ever say to Jim Bob, get away from me, I have a headache?

Jim Bob Duggar: Actually, I can't keep her away from me.

Oh, The Places You'll Go

Next on my list: San Luis Obispo, CA! Why? I'm told they have quality wine tastings in the area but more importantly, I desperately want to spend the night at the Madonna Inn! This goofy hotel features themed guest rooms, including ones called Jungle Rock, Old Mexico and Fabulous Fifties (my fave). The Inn also boasts a pretty classy (and I use that term loosely) steak house. Did you say steak? One last selling point, the Madonna Inn was recently featured on an episode of The Girls Next Door, so you know this joint is only for VIP's!

I Love Geronimo Jackson

But more importantly, I love Lost. I love Wednesdays, when I can curl up with my new Slanket (hells yeah, I got one) and my Lost buddy and time travel with my now island-bound friends. Almost as good as watching a new ep is dishing about it the next day. I have just now joined the online fun with Entertainment Weekly's column, an episode recap with nerdy insight into the mind bending plot and help with connecting the dots to past seasons. Questions based on last night's travels: Is Penny dead? Where is Aaron? Seriously. Why does Kate have to be that girl and use sex as a weapon? Why wasn't I handcuffed to Sayid?

Job Opening

At the New York Post since a cartoonist decided to draw and his editor chose to print this piece of racist garbage.

America's Next Top Model

You simply cannot deny the fabulosity of Mary-Kate (and of course, Ashley) Olsen.

I'm Right On Top of That Rose!

In the job world, I would be best suited as the talent booker on Saturday Night Live and I wouldn't be as stuck up as the Nina Katz character on Sex & The City who gave Carrie 'the look.' Since I have impeccable host taste, first on my list is John Mayer. Mayer's comedy talents seem to be overshadowed by his pesky day job (and boring tabloid 'ship with Jen Aniston). Too much singing for you? Check out John Mayer Has a TV Show: insanely short lived, but hilarious. If John couldn't make it, maybe Paula Dean could host?

She Works (Out) Hard for the Money

I hate when celebs say they don't work out. It's complete BS: no one can stay skinny 24/7 with a steady regimen of chasing their toddler, lots of yoga, walking their dog or some other lame excuse that the tabloids feed me. But, for once, the truth is being spoken! Rom com queen, and apple of Hugh Grant's eye, Sandra Bullock is telling it like it is in the new issue of In Style (she's one of the 12 women they rotate around for each month's issue):

"People ask, 'How do actresses do it?' Um, they pay us to do this in order to look good on film. I do Pilates, kickboxing, weight training. When I'm in Austin, I run or ride a bike. If I can work out every day, I will. But there are times when I won't do anything for two weeks, and I'm like, 'You know what? I talk enough to burn calories.'"

Besides, we all know what happens when you don't work out. Right, Jessica? (burn!)

Swaggering for Two

I think most would agree that M.I.A.'s fashion choice last night wasn't the most flattering, but her overall fabulosity can take a hit like that. Sure, the Grammy folks completely chopped Paper Planes to a mere 23 second taste, but M.I.A. held her own among rap's leading men. I most enjoyed each performers visible swagger, including M.I.A.'s pregnancy walk, and even found myself enjoying Lil Wayne, but just for a moment...

Question of the Day

Why do people Twitter? It's a glorified away message. And besides, no one cares what you're doing.

My Day Is Made

I received an Edible Arrangement.

And Since We're Talking Britney...

This is my fave paparazzi clip of her during the meltdown year. Fast forward to 4:00 and you will see Britney searching for her sis, Jamie Lynn, in a sea of photogs. The Soup said it best: Brit's wandering around like a blind person. For some reason, her semi-Southern accent and mild disorientation crack me up every time!

And That My Friend Is What They Call Closure

During Britney's meltdown year, she wore some questionable outfits, but the one featured to the left garnered a lot of attention, marking yet another major lack of (fashion) judgement. At the time, I knew I had seen her in the same "dress" before but couldn't find the evidence. At last, Google images has come to the rescue. Girlfriend had iffy taste before taking the crazy pills, in y'all were wondering. *Also, why does Britney insist on wearing extensions? Why not rock a great wig, like the great brunette one featured in part of her MTV docu or just rock a short, sassy do?

Come to Marlboro Country

For some reason, I always considered Gwyneth Paltrow to be mildly intelligent. Maybe it was the pretentious attitude I picked up on, but clearly I was mislead. In an interview with Elle magazine (U.K.), Paltrow talks excitedly of one day returning to her smoking habit,

"The last cigarette I smoked was the day I found out I as pregnant with Apple," she says. "I'm so pissed off it gives you cancer. But then, once you have children, if you've witnessed a death like I did with my father, you just can't. But I've decided that when I'm about 70 I'm going to start smoking again. Why not? I can't wait!"

Slanketteering

I really want a Slanket. Badly. I want a Slanket to keep me warm while keeping my arms free to move! Unfortunately, some people (or person) I know find them horrendous and think the Slanket would become some sort of jacket to be worn outdoors. Well, good news! Courtesy of Lauren, there are some more stylish Slanket alternatives*. Some are ponchoesque, but would still be doable for indoor use.

*Please note, the video embedded on this page is for the Snuggie, an imitation Slanket. It looks cheap and felt-like, but you get the picture.

Those Are Fighting Words!

As previously mentioned, I recently saw the biopic Notorious and enjoyed Naturi Naughton's portrayal of Lil Kim. Well, it turns out Lil Kim doesn't feel the same way. When Kim expressed her feelings against Naughton's casting, B.I.G.'s mother spoke out reprimanding Kim, "Tell Lil Kim to go find herself, go drink a cup of green tea and get a life! Green tea? Really?!

I Didn't Watch the Superbowl

But in my defense, no one told me about the Steelers' hot head coach.

Question of the Day

Would you rather date Desmond Hume or Sayid Jarrah?

• Both have great hair.
• Both have shown complete dedication to the women they love.
• Both have an amazing sense of style in the present day/future (I'm not yet clear on the ins & outs of time travel).

You Better Work!

She may be 51, but former French supermodel Inès de la Fressange still has it! Ines strutted her stuff on Jean-Paul Gaultier's runway and remained fierce while doing so.

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee

Breaking news, y'all: Starbucks is going to stop brewing decaf coffee after 12p.m. in an effort to save much dinero in 2009. As an evening decaf drinker- when I am not in need of an energy boost- I have a suggestion: why not brew decaf only after 12p.m. Who needs decaf in the morning?

Question of the Day

Would you rather be Ezekiel (Zeke) Emanuel, Rahm Emanuel or Ari Emanuel?

The Red and Black Lumberjack With the Hat to Match

It may not be an Oscar contender, but Notorious was a solid movie, for moments of sadness and some laughs. Though the movie provided a glimpse into the life of the late rapper Notorious B.I.G., the most interesting tidbit was something I found out after I screened: Biggie's real-life son, now 12, plays the role of his own father in his childhood years. Christopher Wallace Jr. does his poppa proud, but my other favorite performance came from Naturi Naughton who plays a young, and still feisty, Lil Kim (the Marilyn Monroe of hip hop).

Paging Dr. Ross

He's back.

Worse Than a Corn Maze

Oprah is so on it (almost)! One of her favorite show topics of late is hoarding: people who can't throw things away and it clutters their entire living space (that's a simple definition). Well, Gordon Stewart could have benefited from some O viewing. He got so lost in his maze of built up trashed that he collapsed and died of dehydration! Maybe she can interview his family or get photos of the labyrinth?

Put Your Tape Decks on Record!

This Wednesday 1/28 Oprah will be interviewing (and hopefully grilling) Ted Haggard and his wife. The show topic reads,

Evangelist Ted Haggard, His Wife and the Gay Sex Scandal: Former evangelical leader Ted Haggard on the life he hid from his wife, his children and 30 million devoted followers. The gay sex and drug scandal that took him down.

While I will watch to laugh at his suspect answers, I find this situation more sad than anything else. In a recent U.S. News and World Report interview, Haggard's 'counselor' that was helping him be straight again (no, I'm not kidding) noted Haggard had a good relationship with the G-o-d, but Haggard essentially acknowledged the fight between his mind and his biology,

"According to the Bible, you are in fine relationship with the Lord Jesus." And I said I think I am. I love Him. I've never rebelled against him willingly. This has been a wrestling in my life, never an acceptance thing."

Question of the Day

Are Chris Brown and Rihanna the 2008/09 version of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake?

Mr. President